where are You?

Are you listening God?! I'm a wretched fool! I'm wrong, I'm not perfect, I need You! Return to me the joy of the Word! Return to me the random prayers in the day where it became conversations to you! Return to me the Love of everything you that was there from youth! Return to me the belief that over is never over! You said that with You all things are possible! Make me believe that! Please! That you can make love grow again between us! That what drove 2 together may sprout again! I'm not wishing for another, get back that one! Return to the top, keep back the anger, the guilt, the pride, arrogance, self isolation, the lack of accepting or admitting wrong! I'm a lot of things, but I don't give up! That may be the only good thing or bad thing. I'm not giving up, I just can't keep it up at this rate, I haven't been keeping up. Help Me, Please! There has to be a reason you are saying no, but why can't I get her from my head?! Why can't this mind just breakdown and submit?! I don't know what else I have to give..... I just don't know..... I'm not looking for another, but other things keep trying to fill in the void. I tried talking to You today, no video games, no nothing, but I kept arguing to You. I want to argue, I want release of this pain, of this pride, to believe You haven't given up on me, that there is a chance. Without You there is no reason for life, if there is no You, no one or nothing will ever be "it". I feel so alone and afraid. I want her, but it will never worked right because I didn't want You enough, pedestals were wrong, so the whole thing comes crashing down. Let me have another chance, Please! I can do better, even at an inch at a time.....Please..... I'm dying here, help me..... I'm drowning, throw out a life preserver..... I'm weaker than it looks, carry me on a stretcher,give me direction.....nothing is impossible, reconcile and return! I know if it is You saying good bye, then release me from this worthless world, it holds no real pleasure, just more burdens.....Please God.....I got nothing, it doesn't matter money, power, education, people, nothing will be a real fulfillment.....just a chasing after the wind. Please God, not alone, not alone..... Please.....