another point

Here goes a continuation to the points 2 days ago, so number 2:
2. there are somethings I store up cause I want to hide from it and others from it


Psalm 69:5
You, God, know my folly; my guilt is not hidden from you.

Luke 8:17

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.

Hebrews 4:13
Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Ok so,  hm, acting, that is a very crazy thing. An actor plays a part that is not the actor, he/she is hiding oneself to the entertainment of manipulation of another. We do this to many times, in fact after a while we become this persona and it destroys us. Um, I heard a story of Heath Ledger, he played the Joker on "The Dark Knight" movie. Says He died of and Overdose. One story went that he immersed himself into his role so much it well, destroyed him, led him to the OD. Hiding and forgetting the difference between reality and act. 

Ok, all  that to say, it is a coward who does these things. It is a weak and/or confused person to do these things. Haha, it is almost everyone i have met in my life, including myself. 

Hiding, what have I hidden ? What have I been scared to show? I don't know all things, but one is anger, or hiding it in the form of bottling it up. I have been angry many times, I bottled it up and hurt those I love, her in fact and other family, most importantly, God. Shoot, I thought if I held it in, i could control it, but it just built up, and i collapsed under it and it consumed me. 

Hide what else? Pride, hm, it is easier to put an outward reason for doing things or something. Such as helping someone, do I do it for them or for myself ( "hey I helped you at this, you owe me" , internal 'hey i did a good job MYSELF') , arg, I'm sad to say, um, "religious" people do this, I do this. Look at what changes the differences of religion, pride, in oneself or what one does. 

We hide under the guise"it's a good thing to do" but why are we doing it? Are we truly doing God's will for Him or for myself only. No, I know there is some self in choices, it makes one feel good, but as with anything,  feeling good about "me" is not the point. 

Yeah so how  off would we realize we are if we didn't hide that. In fact, hiding only hinders growth. Hm, finally got some real help on anger and some major rebuke on my own pride and selfishness. Haha, I'm far from "rehabilitated" no, God knows i will always need His help and that which he provides through others, but you see, the hiding has created a deep chasm to over come. 

What is my point, well just that it's not good to do that. To be weary of it and also, just to not hide from myself and others. Hm, doesn't turn out pretty though all the time, honesty may be the best policy but that doesn't mean it will be a smooth ride. 

Oh, Father, help them who fell and lost so much in the Earthquake and tsunami. Those lost by shootings and betrayal. I'm sorry for your pain and the double mind and pain I give you. Protect her,  I wish this love would mean something I got for her, but I keep feeling like I'm messing up, may your will be done. Help me just accept what you say and not what I want to hear and what others try to "make me feel good" only.  Help her. Help the family. There is so much pain, how do you handle it?

Thank you for a beautiful day, help my foot, cause i don't know what is wrong with it, but it hurts. Get me ready for the battle. I feel so unprepared. In Jesus Name. Amen.