Dang nabbit

Wow, how much junk do we carry? There are seventeen posts that are just drafts. Stuff that I have posted about over time and some that I just don't know what is wrong but it isn't right to put yet.

Then I look at the stuff around me , the things I have stored up both physically and mentally. Lots of people have the same problem, in fact unless you have that short term memory, we all do it.

3 things I notice here for myself, maybe other people see it or have it too:
1. There are some things I just hold onto cause I'm afraid to and/ don't want to let it go or face it
2. there are somethings I store up cause I want to hide from it and others from it
3. over time, this build up becomes too much and the it seems you don't even know what you are paying for.

Well, think there is more, but these 3 just stick out at me. Today though, I think of taking it one point at a time.So to 1.
1. There are some things I just hold onto cause i'm afraid to and/or don't want to let it go or face it

Let me see, my biological father was/is in law enforcement.  I dunno, never really knew much about him, besides that. the one thing I do know is that he cheated on my mom and had another family, other things came to light also, but that is her story and I wish to not tell it since it is very sensitive. For that, my heart has burned with anger. With time, my mother told me the other things he did to her, things I'm ashamed that I may have done to others if the woman of my heart, and my own family and people had not  rebuked me on already. I carry in my blood both good and bad of my parents. Yet it is not what is in me that will destroy me, but what I do . And boy do I mess up but by God's grace He has helped me, even when I've been too stubborn to do the right thing or put off things I know I need. T  I'm sorry to her and others my stubborness and selfishness has hurt, I pray for reconcilliation. 

To the story, the things my biological father had done to her, well, most people would hate him, cheating, various other things, but when I told my mother if I ever saw him I would well, not be happy water it down as best I can, she said this "as a Christian I feel very sorry for him and pray that someday he can make Jesus Lord of His life. Do I hold it against Him - NO praise the Lord
because I know my sin against my GOD was greater and He forgave me. If he ever needed me I would be
there to help him just as I am for his mother and rest of his family. To the world I have all the excuses for
hating him but to God I don't and He is the one that will judge me. Even with all he did to me even with
his cheating I still fought to keep my marriage but he wanted out and that was me just knowing the little
I knew about God so never mind her knowing what He truly did for her."

Me and my Mom have lots I fight and fought each other about. Too many to count. But this truly gives me respect for her. Letting go, um, I think Jesus had this meaning or it was part of the meaning when he said "
 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:28

Letting go, not of the person, but face the problem. 

What else, um, let me try and break it down further, I want to use personal but honestly, I'm not ready for that just yet so i'm gonna be using a more general idea/example.

I have a bullet proof vest, on that vest I have the ability to add pouches and stuff to put things on it. I had on that vest a few things, these things, I carried all year and beyond, what were they? Some old box, some cord, a pen, a little New Testament, some candy (yuck, year old candy). but why? Well, i know why I carried the Bible and pen (write and read) but the rest, just some junk I was too afraid to get rid of (hey never know when you need some random cord....jk), some things also weigh down, I have seen others with a ton of pouches of this or that, just weighing down. the vest itself weighs enough, why add more? Cause we are afraid to let it go. Some things carried we would face that we have to rely on others to carry, but we carried ourselves cause we were afraid to trust others to let go and be vulnerable to that. To face our vulnerability. Rather the things I hide from myself and other, that I run away from to the point that it may actually be running into places I know make me feel better, yet are not better for me. Easy or feel good doesn't make right or better. 

This is life though, we carry our burdens and we add to them and destroy our selves, because we don't want to face or truly deal with something and rather we lose someone. 

Well, that's that point, um, not here to give "my answers" but like G I Joe says " knowing is half the battle". Only answer found is not my own on any sense.....

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-15

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Hope this helps someone. May the day be blessed and encouraging. 

Peace.....Love.....