Not sure where to start. Today I learned, that it doesn't matter who you are, you can always do better. Good on the outside doesn't mean good on the inside.
Only once I can remember ever being so nervous for a class that I actually made myself sick. Ok, almost 2x now.....hehe. Almost.
Huge test, 75 questions, over a whole bunch of information. Thought I took my time, but still after looking back at the test, I realized I could have done better. 2 questions I knew the answer to and thought I had to have jotted down the answers right....nope picked another darn answer. I even remember the questions as I read them....almost 3 points lost. Always room for improvement.
So frustrated with myself. At first it was because I got those questions mixed up and wrong. Sure, academically I can do better. Yet when it comes to doing better, that's not what I mean. I did not thank God I passed the test. In fact, it was only that mercy that passed me..... this is no lie, I have no idea nor did I have one, what the heck all the material was; even now I can't remember it all.
Somehow, I was given a passing score. Ok, so strike one. Not being grateful or giving thanks to whom it was due. (Eph. 5:20, Col. 3:17)
Strike two, well, got a decent score, and you know what I did....lamented the missed questions enough that one of the classmates around me looked at me and asked,”you really are sad you got that score aren't you?” You doofus Dan! Really? People failed this test, and you are lamenting 2-3 points?! Bad example! Where is a heart to help people to look at their problems aka they are now ultra stressed and double worried of failing out class, or how this can be a tool to help other excel, instead of a “boo hoo me” junk? You know what God did? He took the guy in front of me and covered my sin, with a “nah, he's just being humble about his score.” and he believed it. (Phil. 4:8, Rom. 12:1-3)
STRIIIIIIIKE three! Pride..... no, it probably wasn't as vivid as my darn lamenting selfish junk, but after seeing some other scores (yup people keep asking “How'd you do? What's your score/” ) I answered ever so slightly, “oh, I did ok.....(drag it out for emphasis) I got a _____. yes, I didn't get 100% or nothing, but it was not by my own power that I even got a passing score. It was by some mercy and love. When we start to take pride in ourselves and our supposed smarts, or what we think is our deserved or etc., it starts a path toward death. Death of humility, of mercy, of caring for another. ( 1Pet. 5:5)
By the way, when you think you are something, you find out you are not. One guy, kinda “out there” he says I helped him study, explain material to, and kaboom, he beat my score..... yeah, so how about that.....the student surpasses the teacher.....HAHAHAHAHA ! If that is not humbling and awesome, who knows what is. There is no right in what I did, but others don't need to make the same mistake.
When you think you got it, you realize maybe someone else has got you. Always do better. It may not be what one thinks it is.
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Praise to your name, God. You definitely got me passed that test. Yet I still failed You. My selfishness and lack of contentment brings shame to You. Even I that You covered me. If there was a time to fall on my face it is now. Forgive us fo rthis what we do. There is no “I DID THIS” there is only, You did this through me. Why do You put up with us? Why with me? Worthy we are not by our own devices. No, not in the slightest. Thank You for the humbling. As always, care for the family, for her, and her family. I don't know the right paths, or maybe, more likely not there yet in faith. Dang it, a mustard seed seems so big sometimes. Guide us, to reconciliation with You. Also with each other if there is a way. Through the Way I ask this.
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