I was scared

Well, make this easy as can be, talk to yourself. 

Well Dan, what's the big deal with that song? Is there something you aren't saying?  
Oh, maybe it's the way you have been both "light and dark" as UFO yu have two lives, one seen and another hidden. At first you seemed light, but inside the walls when no one sees you , you were dark. Behind closed doors, behind the thin veil of your eyes, you. Were dark. Coercive, manipulative, angry and selfish. That's just the tip of the iceberg. But people saw you and they said you were ok.  The woman you love stll, (thogh how the heck do you show it?)you hurt and were an idiot to, pushed and hurt family, just all around ...... Ignorant. Priorities warped by the distorted vision of what you thought. You idiot. That song is the truth, backsliding and back biting, we live this life. To some it is literally a way outside a home and one inside.. To others it is one way outside you self and another inside. We look for the way out the back door rather than dealing and then we rationalize it. I'm ashamed at how pin point that song is . Ashamed that I backslide and have been so.....2sided I guess is the word. It is shameful. 
Day by day I try to work at it, to be as blunt and even inside and out. Yet I will never be able to be such that way. Cause I , that will always be the issue, I is not one who is able. I.....is one who is scared and proud and hiding behind closed doors. I....need help, am not perfect, do not know everything nor does the world revolve around. 
Behind closed doors, seen by Omnipotence, One who wants to help, not condemn. (John 3:17)
The time has come to leave the closed doors, like the song says....:
Open up and reveal what's goin' on in the backroom (Uh oh)......
But the only one's you're cheatin' are just you and the Chief..........
When you gonna come out to play
When you gonna come out to stay
When you gonna come out to say
That you'll never turn the other way

Well, Dan, hope you made sense.....God help me, not to be that what I was, to not hide and be daily outside, transparent as glass. 
Be with her, family, and help me to figure out how the heck to not be so scared, to use whatever gifts and stuff You gave to not try and get by, but bring out others along for the ride!  Nice is not good enough and I'm not strong enough alone without You. No matter who I'm with or such, without You it's not strong enough...... Reconcile please us to You and each other.
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(NET) Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

(NET) Proverbs 9:10 The beginning of wisdom is to fear the LORD, and acknowledging the Holy One is understanding.