I want to DIE! How I have asked You continually to remove my life from this earth. How I have tried on my own to do it! I’m not scared of it and welcome it. NO! it is wrong, because well, that is not the death You want. Death Yes! I will call anyone who says You don’t want us to die a liar!
But Like Saul who instead of obliterating the Amalekites as You commanded in 1 Samuel, he killed lots but kept the best livestock and stuff for “sacrificing” , or when the ark of the covenant was brought back after David was made king in 2 Samuel 6, how instead of bring the ark back with priests and such, it was brought in a cart and Uzzah, when the oxen stumbled, reached out to not have the ark fall, he died cause he touched it, as it was not supposed to be touched. We bring this on ourselves! We do things our way and while it looks good, or seems good (Uzzah was trying to do something good, but it was disobedience), it is a deviation of Your way and plan!
How does it turn into death? How can I have such confidence You want us to die? You say so ! Yet not in the way that I have asked.
1 Peter 2:24
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”
Colossians 3:5&6 “5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.”
Romans 8:13
For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
“Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” James 1:21 NIV
This is the death which You ask of us, and will carry us to if we let You. Oh how I want to do that, but God, I'm so distraught in this and sad. Why is my heart so tormented and such? I beg for anothr chance! I'M GONNA MESS UP, but please, give me chances. I may be slow, but I can do better eve if it's a bloody centimeter at a time. Again I ask for a miracle for reconciliation and a softened heart. I come to You crawling with my face in the dirt! I'm sorry for my shortcomings, please do not remove Yourself, for then living truly would not be worth it. Please hear my pleas. May they not have fallen empty, though it feels so hollow because I'm an imperfect creature.
Hosea.
ReplyDeleteSometimes God calls his children to endure things unimaginably painful. Hosea married a prostitute and raised her illegitimate children. His wife left him to pursue her own sinful passions. Hosea, seemingly, had nothing left. But he did what God told him to do anyway, even though it seemed God had ruined his life. Hosea could only see a glimpse of what was really going on...of what God was accomplishing in his life and Gomer's life, and what He was doing with Israel as a whole. Isaiah 55:8-9 says
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Danny, stop being so angry that God is not working on your time. I know these words won't take away your pain and the reality of what you're going through, but you need to realize that God has an ordained purpose for YOU in this life...and right now He is saying "no" to what you're asking for. It might be "no, never" or it might be "no, not now". It doesn't matter...He is telling you "no". So, then, what do you do? Do everything you do for the glory of the one who made you. Love God, pray for your wife, but don't try to cut short what God obviously needs to accomplish in HER life. She will never be the wife you want, the wife you need, if you don't allow God to purify her. He is purifying you as well, allow Him to do it.
I love you, brother from another mother. Come stay with us again soon...my husband needs his best friend.
Gina