Fury

Why is there such fury in my heart? How can I not know what o do or allow it to come to mind? Such fury in all this, I wish I knew if I should be asking You to help me forget or if You are making me remember for some reason. What is it God?! I don’t know what o do! I know what I want, and it’s her, yet why am I so slow? Is there any hope? Why do I want to blame You most of all? I know I made mistakes an I have been working at them!

Sometimes I think like a kid, “ok so  I messed up. Well I work to not mess up and do better....  that should equal it being ok again.” No, not so, but how I ask and beg for some miracle for some softening, for real forgiveness in our hearts. There has to be  a greater thing than this! There is too much sin and seared hearts, it just keeps getting worse, Save us from it!

I beg and plead and cry for salvation for us! You are the only one able; yes we can do some decent things, but without You filling up every aspect, then it is what is said about love…. 1 Corinthians 13

 1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

Teach me what this means. Please, Holy One, show the way and carry me, her, us all, through. Please do not lt go as we have done to You....forgive me for that please....Your will be done.