When I try and push to read Your words or listen to music made for You, oh God, I usually relax, it helps.
But when I don't this shadow surrounds me, like a cloak. Like a suffocating, constricting band over my heart and soul!
Seems like every day it is a war. It is as if I just have to constantly remember a verse or some verse to a good song. I'm tired God, where is the rest? Where is the justice? How long will You put up with us? How far have we gone from you?
Why is this shadow so heavy and life sucking ? Even my dreams are affected.
Oh Holy One! HELP! I know what is right, but when the shadow of darkness comes over me, it's like nothing matters, despair, anger, frustration, darkness.
OH God I pray for her, in to Your Hands I commit this. I pray for conviction for us, for the heart to bow down and not try to be king or queen or ruler. I pray for the heart to obey and trust. To obey and trust not what I want, not what others say, just what You say. To not take authority into my hands, but rely it and refer it to You. Kill this shadow, the consequences of our sins, of our inability to rely fully on You. We try and fix it ourselves or we try and "help" You do it one our time and ways. Oh You definitely know I do that, Oh, YOU KNOW how hard I have tried to do this. I can't do it. I can't continue like this. We Your children can't continue like this. No one has authority but You. When I made my vows, I made them to You above others, I want to fulfill them. Maybe the others I vowed to will follow through after . Please, I beg of You, I just beg. For her, U beg conviction and guidance and softening, reconciliation. For Phoenix, a heart. For real.
Not as I will, but as You do. Man I'm selfish, help. take over that part of me. I try but can't do it alone.....and how alone i feel. So cold and alone. Why God? Why? Your will be done.
But when I don't this shadow surrounds me, like a cloak. Like a suffocating, constricting band over my heart and soul!
Seems like every day it is a war. It is as if I just have to constantly remember a verse or some verse to a good song. I'm tired God, where is the rest? Where is the justice? How long will You put up with us? How far have we gone from you?
Why is this shadow so heavy and life sucking ? Even my dreams are affected.
Oh Holy One! HELP! I know what is right, but when the shadow of darkness comes over me, it's like nothing matters, despair, anger, frustration, darkness.
OH God I pray for her, in to Your Hands I commit this. I pray for conviction for us, for the heart to bow down and not try to be king or queen or ruler. I pray for the heart to obey and trust. To obey and trust not what I want, not what others say, just what You say. To not take authority into my hands, but rely it and refer it to You. Kill this shadow, the consequences of our sins, of our inability to rely fully on You. We try and fix it ourselves or we try and "help" You do it one our time and ways. Oh You definitely know I do that, Oh, YOU KNOW how hard I have tried to do this. I can't do it. I can't continue like this. We Your children can't continue like this. No one has authority but You. When I made my vows, I made them to You above others, I want to fulfill them. Maybe the others I vowed to will follow through after . Please, I beg of You, I just beg. For her, U beg conviction and guidance and softening, reconciliation. For Phoenix, a heart. For real.
Not as I will, but as You do. Man I'm selfish, help. take over that part of me. I try but can't do it alone.....and how alone i feel. So cold and alone. Why God? Why? Your will be done.
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