What is today?

Hm, no fun today. Getting frustrated and sad. Frustated cause well, things seem out of hand, those around just sem to lie at every turn. Tell me one thing, then do another. I want to just get in their faces, but I'm still working on controlling my words, cause sometimes I think I say the right thing, but it comes out wrong. Wish I had a translator sometimes, cause I don't seem to be able to pronuciate (real word?) or communicate too great.

Not all bad, sometimes I can say what I mean, but then the problem is how does it come out? Been having discussions with a guy, frustrating, cause even when I have a point, it comes out wrong, but somehow we can laugh it off or come to an understanding.

Hm, random thoughts Dan, you miss her, and love her greatly. Always thinking of her, always. Have to pray. But can I? It's a rollercoaster ride. Why do you love me God? I fail daily in so much, hm, why do you love without borders and wy can't i just give it  to you?  I'm torn and pained, just found out someone been lying to me, and playing games with me. Darn getting sick, I'm supposed ot help people who are sick, not get sick !:)

Well, I hope and pray for miracles, work to do what is right, just hard to give it all cause when I think i'm doing it, I see that at times, I'm tryin to give it aka, guide things in a way I want. Really weird, think Proverbs 3:
 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight.
 ⁷ Do not be wise in your own eyes;
   fear the LORD and shun evil.

Think I put this verse out there already before, but  v.5 kicks my backside, I think it kicks alot of people's backsides, man, I know I want to control my future, I want this and think it's best, but really, I have no real clue. Shat do I see here? Well, we all look better in our own eyes, what we think makes sense to us, but if I truly believe, have to just trust what God says, and what He does. I look at all the dif versions of Scripture, and all the dif interpretations, and it is overwhelming. Then  heard a discussion why there are so many, I used to think, "hey, people wanted to make it easier to understand or modernize it" no, lots of people just wanted to make it easy for themselves. Hm, I think the issue is we want it to be easy, nothing is hard fact. But God's Words are hard facts. What He says, we do. No discussion. Repent if it's against what He says or not, but there is no "well I think I should, or it really means this" Hence leaning not on my own understanding. I get that alot myself (aka I do that) I think, well, eh, maybe it's ok cause of this. Heck if God says it, my faith should not be about how to always make it relevant to now, but to just do it. NOW THAT IS CRAZY HARD!  Yet if I trust in Him, then He will lead me right. Won't be quick or even always enjoyable. I don't know, just alot of back tracking, remembering that I don't have the answers, heck, even answers I have (things I know I should do ) I have trouble with that. Hm, sometimes I have asked God to just make me a robot cause it's just so , no, I'm just so messed up, catching myself and mainly being shown where I'm wrong, I get frustrated that I just won't be able to get back up. Well, Dan, today is all you have, now is the time. God help, I can't seem to do it, arg, this mind of mine, just is tryin, but it's so hard. Darn pride and selfish ways.

Hope I'm not alone in this. Well, pray for healing and a miracle.

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Ephesians 5:1-2

Need help with that, thought I was, but always ways to grow.
Yikes brain overloaded with stuff. need to reboot it. :) Night Dan.