What is the world about ? Look at sports, look how much more perverse it has become , I mean the phrase “ me first attitude” is no longer even flinched at . “teams” are no longer teams, it's just a group of guys wanting a championship so they can get a bigger payday . Rare are those who actually want to be team oriented, even that is a fluke, “ I want a championship and the team does too”
Even here is “me first” Look at all the lives in the world , get what you can for yourself, even in our congregations we do this , "oh, I got a lot out of that lesson," or "the preacher didn't teach what I wanted today."
I have done this too many times, “what can I get out of this ?” This is the total opposite of God's way. Don't worry what I can get out this or that. What I get out maybe something so crazy I wouldn't have ever believed it ! In my darkest areas of my heart I want something for me, me, me, me, me, me . It trips me up so much. The only true time I have ever felt fulfilled was just doing something not for me .
Hm, there is a better way to explain this . The pain I feel right now overwhelms me , it hurts so much I just cry at random times , the memories, the betrayals, the hurts, the hurt given to others by my own hand, the time lost, the time, the energy, the pain, it becomes overwhelming. What is the secret to it going away, to healing, to forgiveness, to continuing with these scars, to getting away from me? Oh God in heaven what is the answer ?!
Answer: Death of self, carrying my cross daily and following Him. No matter the pain, the hurt, given and taken , I can't focus on myself. The devil wants that. If I do that, then that's it, I forget what love is, what Jesus does and did for me . He took the beating, he took the soldiers spitting on Him, hitting Him, He took the nails, He was stripped of clothing, He was “hung out to dry”, I put Him there, He didn't DESERVE IT ! He was hurt by it !
Matthew 26: 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” 39Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
42He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
When I focus on myself is when I nullify all He is and has done for me . All He went through was so we didn't have to suffer as we do, either by our own thoughts of doing things on our own (I can fix it myself right ?) He didn't look at Himself and say "Father, make it stop now”, no He looked to the end at others. Even when He went off to pray, it was to get recharged to do the will of God. Not himself. Physically and emotionally no one, not even Job has gone through that, cause Job was not perfect. There is nothing that when focus / my life isn't about me that is too much. Arg, if only it was that easy. Please God we need you for that ! Help me let you do your work on me while being used to work for you.
Now to our regularly scheduled studying..... :) .....next time, maybe.....
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