"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mahatma Ghandi

Zechariah 14:9

The LORD will be king over the whole earth. On that day there will be one LORD, and his name the only name.

g g i n g Y o u ! S h o w t h e t r u t h -

o r e v e r d o n o t a b a n d o n t h e w o r k s o f y o u r h a n d s .
- p l e a s e G o d , I ' m b e

P s a l m 1 3 8 : 8

T h e L O R D w i l l v i n d i c a t e m e ; y o u r l o v e , L O R D , e n d u r e s f

Can't shake this depression and hopelessness and loneliness. So cold and sad and bleeding. How long and why ?

Oh God help me! I can't get her outta my mind, this heart what is there longs for her. What do I do ?!

Oliver Wendell Holmes : "The life of the law has not been logic, it has been experience."

Ý o n e a m o n g y o u r p e o p l e , b u t l o v e y o u r n e i g h b o r a s y o u r s e l f . I a m t h e

Ý L e v i t i c u s 1 9 : 1 8

D o n o t s e e k r e v e n g e o r b e a r a g r u d g e a g a i n s t a n y

The song that played

Start again, from the bottom up, maybe it's not too late. Greater things can be. 

Rememberance

I can't take back my sins but that doesn't mean I have to live in the memory of them. That increases the memory of them.
I wrote in basic many things, I kept copies of them and some were wrong things. I kept them to remind me and learn from the price of folly, but I believe instead of being used to learn from they are nothing more but vas for the fire of this storm. The gas to bring up the past. They were meant to understand but I stead they are used to kill.
She was wounded by it because they were read without why or understanding but in one-sided thinking.
Cowardice is used daily, finger pointing and blame passing, just lie the fall in Genesis, man pointed woman and also to God as reason and woman to snake and responsibility was never accepted. So the punishment began. I wish I had a better memory , I only have glimpses of what has happened. Time is not relevant in putting hold on things.
Today has been bad, take it away God or make it right !
I can barely take the dog for a walk cause I can't go back to the field used to play with Luke and watch her at he goal post while I ran like the dog on. Or memory of sitting at the far goal post and giving a kiss to her.
Or further up the path taking a picture smiling together.
There was happiness, I hold onto the happiness. I tefus to mire it in only sadness, of watching her play Mario  kart though she didnt know, or checking her swim online when she told me how she kept track. How happy to see at basic graduation and go to cracker barrel.
How foolish to hold things in. Iron giant, movie played and I had to go, I enjoyed watching it with her.
The div is wrong. Basis was as wrong as my anger has been, sin is sin.
 Now I have to just let God do whatever. But this emptiness and all , so alone, now I rarely even play video games, no desire for World of Warcraft, heck I did dishes today and I just can't sit around anymore. I have to walk around or get out. Too late . Oh how I pray for a miracle. A renewing of heart and so forth.

(KJV) Matthew 19:26 But Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Have to have hope, have to believe.

Maybe ironic, but while I type this I hear Seventh Day Slumber's song "take everything"  off their album "take everything"
The last lines sum it up :
"Jesus take every thing....."

Why have I been holding so much in?

Been approximately a year, since actually counseling started. In doing counseling, I learned lots about how protective I am or been of my emotions. How raw tuned they are and have been.
I let it build up inside like a closed container, then some heat comes and it has nothing to do with anything, but there is no room, so instead of making sure to get stuff out and drain it or however, it makes a big boom and the container, what's inside and the container itself,  it just becomes a mess. Anyone in range gets hurt. Usually it was her. I'm sorry to the point of death for that.

But most important is that God has His hands tied. You see, He knew I kept doing the same thing and in my own arrogance and pride I tried to keep fixing it. Yeah, would get better when I hit the low point and I actually cried to God to help, but then cockiness and idiocy brought Satan a nice 5 lane highway into my pride and arrogance to think that I, Daniel was strong on my own account and the vicious cycle starts again.  How many more times will this keep happening? Is there any hope?  I don’t know. Have to learn from the bad and hold to the good. Have to hope. 

As always, God, be with us and family and her and her family. Scary how the world's going and how divided Your people are. 

Already over

WHat have I done?!

What have a I done God?! Again I do the things I said I wouldn't do! It is never wrong to love, buit ot love others over You?! Again I did it! She was my world and my light, and in that I destroyed what I said I would not do! You were supposed to be the center of it, I made that committment and I broke it! AGAIN! I made her my world and so I made it fall apart. No I don not regret that I do Love her, not at all. It's when I started and then made her my world, that was it's downfall. I beg another chance, but not til the time is ready, when I can say fully and wholly, God you are number one. That this heart belongs first to you and what you give me to love another i can or better we can give. Where God did it become so blurred to my sight? I thought I was doing right, I did so bad, thought it was right. But of course I was wrong, when i think I know and have the right words, You show me that um" Dan you are an idiot! You are trying to do things your way and then add ME. " Not gonna work that way. I just pray that there is hope and that there is forgiveness. this heart loves no other than her. I pray that while that is what I believe in human love it is supposed to be, that YOU become the first love, the deepest love the highest love of life. Only then will there be a chance.
But God, it is broken now. Honestly, I can't do it. Every part of me is broken. I feel so alone. I deserve hell and death, it's like a vicious cycle, start well, get cocky and lose focus, then BOOM fall down into a hell (metaphorically speaking) , why God does it keep happening?
Please accept my apologies and forgive me and in time,  maybe You know what is in my heart God.
Be with the WomH and guide the truth back into life. There is so much sickness in our minds. Protect our families and teach us to forgive and let go. There is so much to say.  I don't know how to say it. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, I'm stupid, I'm selfish, I'm crazy, I don't know how to express it right.
Punish me, if it will make gold be shone, help to stand up to the lies and diversions of the Truth of You and Your plan. Where is the narrow road, been so far going down a wide road. There is more, what was your plan and can I be in it and apart of it, though I messed up so much so far ? Please, forfeit my life for healing and renewal for them, her, whoever I have wronged.  Any reads this God, prolly confuse them, but you know what I say and do and think and so forth.  So weak and so alone. Can't breath, only tears and so much , so stupid I have been.
I'm sorry. I'm nothing, have been nothing without Your blessing. Just forfeit my life if it can bring good.

Matthew 16: ²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. ²⁶ What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? ²⁷ For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

Who do we love more and what is real ?

Along with earlier post of do we love God or man more, is this.....

Matthew 10 :    ³⁴ “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. ³⁵ For I have come to turn

   “‘a man against his father,
   a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
   ³⁶ a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’^[c]
   37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. ³⁸ Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. ³⁹ Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.


Dan, world, what is your answer ? 

Today

Matthew 6: ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Understanding vs interpretation = letting God show His point vs man showing his.....

How we got the Bible, God spoke, man wrote. 2 Timothy 3:16

People of little understanding are most apt to be angry when their sense is called into question.
- Samuel Richardson

Who do we love more? God or men ?

The average man does not want to be free. He simply wants to be safe.
- H. L. Mencken

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP HURTING! I'm sorry I'm tryin to do right! I'm not cheating! Tryin to get help with things ! NOOOOOO! PLEASE!

I'm tryin my hardest not to just breakdown and cry. Who cares though? I just want her. I don't have anything. I gave it all. It wasn't enough. Now emptyy.

God must hate me along with everyone else whether they admit or not.

This is not mercy or justice.

Just put a bullet in this organ in my chest, at a live fire range I receive the decree?! Really? Not a day I'm not around live ammo?!

What else was I supposed to do?! WHAT?! It is wrong, no heart.

I can't go on . This is wrong and even more wrong . Its not right or anything. How HOW is it right ? Under what law ? Wrong .

View life as a continuous learning experience.

- Denis Waitley

I'm cutting em all out, each believes different, each decides their own truth, but that is not right. All these directions, which is right? Have to find out.

Following what I want or other people leads to NOTHING.It feels good but it is empty;feels good to have others agree or such, don't make it right.Refine by fire

I fight everyday, I don't want to kneel at the cross, I see no justice being done or commitment. So I follow it; but it lead to nothing. NOTHING.

I'm tired of faith not backing up scripture.We back up scripture, it doesn't back me up. Not"I wanna do this and bible says"it is"bible says and I listen/don't.

I'm tired of getting yelled at. Always some cuss word this way, even joking around. I'm tired of being walked out on like an idiot. I'm cutting that off now.

Why is it so easy to be forgotten but I can't let go or not care? What is scripture if it's interpretation is up for debate?Is there no absolutes?Y am I crying?

I want to do right, I do. I'm so sorry. Please where is real forgiveness? Mercy? I'm lost and alone, still cry my heart out. I can't continue like this.

A year ago I messed up. Started a cascade effect. I wish I didn't answer as I did. It came out wrong. Where is forgiveness and understanding. Was it a a setup?

I can't breath, can't even walk straight, I try and sleep and it eludes me. Incomplete like a constant nightmare. Cold and alone and empty inside.

Voltaire : "History is just the portrayal of crimes and misfortunes."

Everyday I wake, emptiness is there. The only heart left is the organ in my chest. It pumps and pumps but does it really do anything? Just prolongs the end.

It hurts so much, this heart. Like millions of needles pushing into it. How I miss her, all day everyday. Guess its a 1-way street. Always.....

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.

- Hermann Hesse

Well, still love her. It matter not it seems.

1 year today was last time I believed without doubt when told " I Love You" then a week later.....

The quality of expectations determines the quality of our action.
- Andre Godin

How is there righteousness in this ? How ?

This isn't living. I don't know what this is. I hate this. Nothing, a void.

Sorrow and loneliness are my only companions, pain the only sustanance.

Success is always to be found on the other side of fear.

- Anonymous

This was the plan? This is mercy? This is right? Walk away and let me die. Right. Some God.

I can't do this, everyday is a waste nothing is right. No matter what, am alone, no one to refresh mind with while trash comes from those around.

Also, every generation is quick to forget the lessons/ teachings of the past and start their own "way" .

Henry David Thoreau : "Every generation laughs at the old fashions but religiously follows the new."

Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.
- Og Mandino

George Eliot : "Hatred is like fire-it makes even light rubbish deadly."

Give it all for her. But no , rejected, cause I'm a screw-up apparently. Gone, all gone.

Nothing is meaningful, food, friends, life. What was the point ? It hurts too much, what was the reason? Is there? She still means the world to me , I would

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

- Anonymous

Closest thing to what I have thought hell would be like. This is it yes. Ug, can't breath, No desire, just nothing now. Pain, agony, inner death.

I heart and soul longs for her, this is the worst ever. Why? WHY?!

Ԁ͈Ȃprobably never do much of anything." - Win Borden

Ԁ͈ȁ"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

- Chinese Proverb -too late apparently, and no forgiveness was I given

Socrates : "From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate."

Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.
- Robert A. Heinlein